You Betta Shine, You a Star.

Recently I have had a few instances come up that I didn't realize, and I am not entirely sure why. If somebody tells me something or asks a question of me and I don't hear what they say, my brain interprets a few words that I think I heard and my silly brain fills in the gaps (Side note ladies, although a popular opinion, this isn't a male chromosomal defect, proven science). There are also times (recently experienced), that when I hear nothing of what is said. I pretend I listened to every word, nod in agreement, or disapproval based on their facial cues. The odd thing is that I refuse to ask the person to repeat themselves. The times I do ask for clarification, I interpret the other person's body language to be an inconvenience for me, asking them to repeat themselves. Ultimately resulting in me feeling bad for not listening to them in the first place.

I think most of us have a grasp on what listening means. Nevertheless, every day, we are inundated in our conversations with other people, background noises (including cell phones), and internal chatter. We are constantly hearing something and or distracted, and it makes sense that we can miss things. Sometimes we hear, but will inherently miss something in the process.

So my question is this. How are your listening skills? In conversation, are you paying attention to the person or the words, or are you waiting for a break to interject your own thoughts? Are you distracted by the people passing behind the person you are talking to? Are you thinking about what you are doing later in the day or evening? Did you remember that song that has been plaguing you because you couldn't member a series of lyrics that would have been perfect for a point that has since passed? Researchers have suggested that 85% of what we know is learned by listening. 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied, forgetful, or worse, we are in reaction mode in some way. Don't be disparaged, though; after listening, the average person can recall 50% of what they just heard, and after an hour, 20% can be remembered. This essentially means that we are listening at 20% efficiency. There is no way around it; to be active and conscious listeners, we should be in the here and now. Sadly, most of the time, we are not and usually end up being in some trance. The challenge I have set for myself, and consequentially you is/re to be better at listening by being more present to the people in front of me and on the phone.