I'm Fashionably Just Designed to Be Rad

March is here, which means Awesome will be all around us. We get to celebrate Holi, St. Patricks, International Women's Day and National Women's History Month, the First Day of Spring, March Madness, Opening Day for the MLB, International Fragrance Day, and most importantly Quentin Tarantino's and Lady Gaga's Birthdays.

We all have this voice inside our heads that freely comments on our moment to moment experiences. I would imagine this is something that we all deal with on a daily basis in our work and personal lives, that pesky critical inner voice. Some of us may have varying degrees of that voice and how it affects us. It may be more subconscious for you. Or you could be like me, and when that voice speaks, we hear it loud and clear.

When I say the "Voice," I am referring to that internal chatter that may criticize your past decisions or the future that may or may not happen. The "Voice" points out the mistakes we could have avoided, and gives us an array of opinions of what we could have done better. This "Voice" can be utterly sweet, and charming, only to criticize us later. Worse, the "Voice" can nag and berate us with criticisms, disparaging comments, leaving you feeling stressed, displaced, and beat up for most of the day.

I had an interesting experience last week that has allowed me to look at this "Voice" a little closer. I thought I had a better grasp on this Negative Naysayer, yet the thoughts that plagued me most of my life came back in the most surprising of ways. I am embarrassed to say that dodgeball was my trigger for this relapse. On paper and in life, this was the most meaningless and insignificant event that could have occurred to teach me a lesson.

We are playing our last scheduled dodgeball game. Our team was up 5 - 2 games; the first one to six wins the overall match. This was game six for us, the winning round, and we had a two on one situation to our advantage with sixty to ninety seconds left in the game. With the assurance that the game was won, I sailed balls over to our opponent's side, giving him a flutter of an opportunity—a chance at something.

The downed opponent was desperately scooping up these balls and throwing them back, hoping for a lucky break or, at least, to go out fighting. Sixty seconds remained before our victory was sealed. I could have just sat back and let the seconds elapse. I heard voices that confirmed this as a plausible option after releasing another ball down the court. The opposing player grabbed this softball throw of mine and, with a running lunge, shot the ball in my direction. I watched him as his face grimaced with stress as he released the ball. I saw the ball float through the air defying gravity as it spun and weaved, moving slowly through the air. Awakening from a trance, I turned my body to the left and found myself running into the wall. With a little bit of shock and a smidge of immobilization, I felt the ball brush my back, and I was out. Thirty seconds to the victory celebration turned into a draw. I walked to the sideline in disbelief, avoiding eye contact with my team members embarrassed for them and especially for myself.

The opposing team, with a new sense of energy and enthusiasm, destroyed us for the next three or four games. The opposing team was unstoppable in their victory. I internalized and felt that my previous actions had affected the energy of our team and put us mentally into a hole we couldn't get out of. As soon as the game was finished, and my shock dwindling, my inner voice began to scream. I went home dejected, my mind full of the things I could have done differently. I sat down at home and started watching the highlight film in my mind...

Then I realized what was happening. I remembered this voice; I had heard it babble on endlessly before. Just four or five years ago, the voice was telling me how much of a loser I was and that I would never accomplish anything. My voice also liked to say, "You'll never be successful at life, or work." "There is no point in trying, and you will never do anything of value." "Why don't you just give up, save yourself the embarrassment when they fire you for sucking, you will be the first person fired on the grounds of sucking, and everyone will laugh at you."

What I realized later is that the moment you stop taking yourself and your thoughts so seriously, that's the moment your life will change. You will probably never completely silence that critical inner voice, but you can quiet the storm. The first step is to become aware of the critical thoughts that are swirling around in your head. Ask yourself if you would talk to a child or a friend the way you speak to yourself? Of course, you wouldn't. Nobody intentionally wants to be the monster. But when the "Voice" starts talking, instead of listening and agreeing instantly, start watching those thoughts come and go, like watching clouds in the sky. You don't have to entertain every single one of them, nor do you need to respond to everything that comes up. Just see them for what they are.

Secondly, you can challenge these thoughts. If that "Voice" is saying, "I'm a worthless nobody." Challenge the view and search the memory banks to find examples that demonstrate you weren't a worthless nobody. If you Journal, which is probably a more reliable source for searching for your awesomeness, memories are subjective. If you Journal, read about all the times you were definitively not worthless.

Lastly, embrace your inner voice for what it is and what it isn't. Sure we can hear some inappropriate criticisms of ourselves, but we can also flip the script (or the switch, the coin, the record, or the pancake), and be more critical of the critical thought. Critical in the sense of investigating this voice, ask questions. Why is this showing up now? Are any of these words true? Does everyone really think I worthless, or do people not even care? Poke holes into the arguments of the critic.

Stop taking yourself, and your thoughts so seriously don't take this inner dialogue too seriously. Dance with your inner critic and learn to get along. Neither of you is going away anytime soon. You hold all the power in these situations, and you create your experience by the thoughts and beliefs you choose to entertain. Choose wisely.